When I first started wanting to go out while dressed as a woman, Jules and I were both pretty afraid of something bad happening to me. I had spent many, many, many! years hiding who I am and what I liked to do. For about 10-15 years the only person that knew about my gender variances was my wife. We were both terrified of anyone finding out.
Eventually I shoved myself out the front door and somehow managed to start getting out in public. And in so doing, my entire view of humanity has changed. I have only had a small number of minor rudeness incidents from a few people as the worst that has ever happened.
I am no fool in thinking that nothing could ever happen, so I stay alert and aware of my surrounding and other’s around me. But the amount of kindness I have received from friends, family, and strangers has been overwhelming. And I often feel that if ever anything bad should happen, the percentage of kindness I have been shown would barely be impacted.
A few of the more recent acts of kindness that I think deserve a mention here:
1 – Jules and I were in the drive-thru at McDonald’s. We ordered our food and began waiting in the line of cars to pay. Nothing extra ordinary was going on. We were just sitting and chatting. When we got up to the window the cashier told us that we owed nothing as the guy in front of us thought we were cute and wanted to pay for our breakfast.
We were quite startled but still very appreciative of the generosity of the guy. We waved thanks to him, and he waved back. (Out of my paranoia I kept my eye on him and watched where he drove to, and he did the crazy thing of pulling out into the street and just driving away.) Wow, someone just being nice, again!
2 – I visited my favorite mall recently up in Livermore, CA and of course went into the Guess store. Every single time I have been there a super nice sales associate has remembered me. And she is so nice, and sweet. I wrote about her awhile back and I don’t know if I can locate that post. She saw me, dressed as a woman, and trying on male pants. She came over and let me know that those pants did absolutely nothing for me. It took about five minutes of explaining to her about my gender before she understood that I was not a girl and that I buy clothes from both sides of the store. At that time, and ever since, she has been so sweet!
3 – Jules and I went to Trader Joe’s the other day. We normally buy cheese and flowers. I love the cheese, and Jules and I both love the flowers. Anyway… we normally bring a reusable bag but had forgot it. While checking out, Jules and I were discussing this situation, with the cashier overhearing. I told her that I would just put the cheese into my purse. I grabbed the cheese, stuck it into my purse and said “It’s a cheesy purse!” Too which the cashier busted up laughing and said that line was just too funny.
Just three small things from total strangers, and they are very representative of how my life has been. But completely opposite of what I thought it would be like if I ever let anyone into my hidden little world.
I still think that by hiding I was condemning people without ever actually giving them a chance to prove to me what they will really do. And by me stepping up, and truly being concerned with myself instead of others, I have been able to see such a beautiful side to humanity.
Maybe I am just lucky.
Maybe people respond positively when faced with confidence.
Love yourself and spread the love to others!
Photos:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:My_philosophy_is_kindness._(14277210808).jpg
https://www.sketchport.com/drawing/6133198098530304/kindness
https://www.flickr.com/photos/deeplifequotes/7788815308
https://www.flickr.com/photos/celestinechua/10506624674
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My son popped into our local computer games shop some time ago because he was having a problem getting the rechargeable controllers for his Wii to hold charge.
One of the guys served us and as we were being dealt with another guy came up. He interrupted the guy as we were discussing the problem and then disappeared briefly only to return with a box with a charger and some new rechargeable batteries. "Try this" he suggested handing it to my son.
I looked at the guy by the till and went to pay when the chap waved us off and told us not to worry about it. I still have no idea if he was a member of staff or not.
I'm a very shy and awkward person, in male mode or en femme. But I do get out and about from time to time, and the vast majority of my experiences have been positive, too. Whether I am interacting with salespeople and waitstaff, the general public (women especially seem to give me a nice smile), or friends and family (those I am out to – I have chosen carefully), I have received lots of love, acceptance, and kindness. I think you are right that confidence helps. As does self-acceptance, I believe. I'm not naive either and do watch out for myself and try to stay safe.
D
Love this post Nadine! I featured in on T-Central.
My sense of things is that FDRs comment that "All we have to fear is fear itself" lends itself well to the fears that many CDs have when they face their desire to get dressed and then get out and about. While I do not get out as often as you do I can share with you the fact that I really have no negative stories to share. At my size, etc. it is fairly clear that I am a man in a dress but I find that a smile puts almost everyone at ease and, if anything, I am an amusing aspect to their time.
Pat
That is great to hear Pat! I totally agree with you about smiling.
So sweet, thank you Halle! Another random act of kindness!
Hi Dara-
I totally agree about self-acceptance. I think that sense I know what I am, transgender, I don't worry about whether others will "spot" me; I just get out and do me and let others see what they will! It is very freeing actually.
Hi Jenna, what a great story! More random acts of kindness!
Hi Nadine,
it's really nice to read this post.
Be who you are and do what you have to do. Be normal and natural and you are treated in a fair and polite way.
Recently a sales associate gave me various advice about the right size of pantyhose. Two talking women, great.
Feli
These stories tell the "real deal" of being "out", they're clear enough! They also inspire the rest of us "girls" to get out! In the words of Bob Dylan, The times they are a changin'.
Thanks Billie. Yeah, I recommend, with caution and safety in mind, get out. Find out for yourself what the world holds. It is possible it might not be good, but I am betting on that everything will be just fine! Good luck cutie!
Hi Feli-
Good for you for getting out there and talking with others!