Living in the Middle

Here I am again in my most natural state, a bit of half and half, what some call a tween.  Which I kind of don’t like, as I personally confuse it with someone who is almost a teenager.  I think that definition is more widely known, than the one of someone who lives their lives between the genders.  For me, really, it is just me.  A little bit female, and a little bit male.  That is how I really feel about my gender.

I was pondering these thoughts about my gender this morning as I was trying to decide what I should wear into town.  These happened to be the clothes I put on today after I got out of my shower, I just hadn’t really planned on leaving the house.  But things needed to get done down in town and so I thought, why not just wear what I’m wearing?  Clearly it is what I wanted to wear today.

So…. it’s funny, that it still occurs to me that maybe what I am wearing is not socially acceptable.  But, I am determined to show myself that I love myself, and that being this way is okay.  Being someone who lives in the middle of the two typical gender presentations, is who I am.

I suppose it is some lingering fear that something bad will happen to me.  I live my life quite openly.  If anybody ever cared to look, which I am sure some have, they would know.  I wear female clothes all the time.  To work even.  Am I trying to present as a female?  Not normally, that is only an occasional thing.  It actually has been a couple of weeks since I’ve been dressed fully and out anywhere.

But this ‘tween thing?  That I do everyday.  Because that is who I am.  I just don’t really like that word.