Is it easy to be out or in the closet? I think this is something that many of us part timers ponder. I mean if you are facing certain transition, then the question is moot. You’re not going to transition to the other gender entirely and spend your time sitting in a closet all by yourself. Life couldn’t possibly get done that way.
For those who are just an occasional cross dresser, then again, I think the question is easily enough answered, you can stay in the closet, and who is to be any the wiser? I mean many cross dressers simply throw on a few bits of girliness, have a few kicks while sitting in the privacy of their own home, and why should they tell anyone and everyone, that they enjoy that? Many crossdressers will state that life is far easier without anybody knowing, even if that includes their own spouse. Who am I to say that is wrong of them to do? Nobody. I am nobody to say that their choice to remain hidden is wrong.
But now me, how about me and how I choose to live my life? I don’t see myself as your average ordinary crossdresser, in fact I think of myself less and less as a crossdresser as time passses. What do I think of myself as? Transgender probably best, and easily, sums it up. But, do not mistake me, I have no intentions of transition to the other gender. I may continue slowly meandering towards more of middle path, but that is not the point of this post.
The point of this post is the reality of being transgender, and being out. By being out, what I mean, is that I live my life, all of it, my personal life, my family life, my friend life, my work life, LIFE!!! as an openly transgender person. I do not always state it. I don’t carry around a large blinking neon sign, proudly claiming my TRANSGENDER status. But I do me, openly, and freely, for anyone looking, for anyone that cares to see, and to anyone who cares to ask.
Recently at work, a coworker made me pretty uncomfortable. He has commented before about the things I choose to wear, like my painted nails, my iPad case, my choice in clothing, specifically socks and shoes. It has all been fairly innocent and friendly. But recently, it crossed the line. He came into a common worker area and stated quite loudly, “hey man, you and your choice of shoes and socks, just throws me.” Or something to that effect, after which he began laughing quite loudly and walked up to another staff member, shoved him in the shoulder and said “hey man, did you get a load of this guy’s socks and shoes, and mean really.” And continued to laugh and encourage the other staff member to do so as well. The other guy sort of looked at the first guy as though he was crazy.
So….. while I choose to not be open about the profession I am in, I will say, it is a HIGHLY protected one. One where we are mandated to have training on harassment. And the guy who was harassing me, guess what one of his roles is? Union representative. Uh yeah, so that just happened.
Which of course led to me sitting in the Human Resources Director’s office today discussing that I consider myself to be transgender, and relaying what this colleague did. He informed me that it would be handled appropriately and that it should not ever happen and that if it continues to, that further disciplinary action will result. I thanked him for his time and left.
But afterwards, I felt down about it. I suppose I felt down because there are times when I don’t want this responsibility. What I really want is to be able to do my job and live my life without the fear of ridicule from others. Which is exactly why I HAD to go to HR and report the situation. I HAD to go and tell them, openly, and frankly, that I am transgender, and YES this coworker made me feel uncomfortable and it is beginning to be closer to border on harassment.
Heavy.
I wish people could understand others better. I knew I had to go to HR, I didn’t want to. But I HAD to. I know that I am strong enough to do it, even though I didn’t want to. But I knew I HAD to, for all of you out there who are not strong enough. For all of you who want to be out of the closet but are afraid because of the potential of ridicule.
But sometimes it is a responsibility that I don’t want.
What is that Spider Man line? With great power come great responsibility. Geesh, I don’t even have mediocre power let alone great power. But still, I’ve got the responsibility.
As of late, I have had some TS people kind of dismissing me because I suppose I am not trans enough. Hmmm….. trans enough yet people?
Love you!
Love and hate responsibility.
photos:
http://thebluediamondgallery.com/r/responsibility.html
https://pixabay.com/en/human-resources-hr-management-1181577/
https://pixabay.com/en/closet-dresser-furniture-wardrobe-764792/
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you did the right thing Nadine 100%. As far as the other TS people giving you a hard time they can go fly a kite because that holier than thou is just masking insecurity that they harbor. Don't let anyone bring you down about this because the world is full of insecure idiots and you and I are not going to fix them all!
Great post Nadine. I am TS, and have been lucky enough to never experience (yet anyway) that kind of harassment.
I hope, if it happens, that I can find the sort of measured but absolutely correct response you have taken to protect your right to be yourself, and yes, the rights of others not able to find their own voice.
Oh, and by the way, anyone who says you aren't "trans enough" doesn't know you yet. Love you!
Good that HR dealt with that, no need to be guilty. That co worker had a problem, not you. In my humble opinion, workplaces should be all inclusive. While I am not openly transgender at work I do let shine through that I do not tolerate misogynic behavior and neither making negative fun out of LBGT+. I don't want that responsibility either but it is necessary to create a safe spot for myself. On the other hand, I get mild surprises from transitioning people when I tell them I am not transitioning. It does make feel uneasy, as if there where peer pressure. A good thing is that more and more transgenders take a standpoint of "your transness is valid and none of other people's business"
Thank you for the good thoughts and the support! I appreciate it. I do believe that more transgender people are opening up to the wide variety that is the transgender state of being.
Many people do seem to think that given enough time I will eventually transition. While only time will tell, I kind of have to laugh a bit as I wonder if they know just how long exactly I have already been doing this trans thing! Ha!
Thanks Halle. I am sure that if it unfortunately ever happens to you that you will handle it with grace!
Yeah, my wife and were laughing about the not trans enough stuff this morning. Boy, they sure think they know me, but wow, they know nothing!
Thanks Joanna! I do think there is quite a bit of insecurity that is coming through from some trans folk. It can be difficult at times, as I kind of think of all of us as a great big diverse family. It is hard to see others trying to divide us up into the pieces where they think we fit. Oh well!
Thanks cutie!
Great post, Nadine, and featured on T-Central.
Calie
Thanks Callie. And thanks for featuring it on T-Central!!
Hi Nadine – I wanted to stop and let you know that I really appreciate you. I appreciate your openness and your spirit and your willing to have hard discussions. I appreciate that you are out here and allowing me to learn and grow through your writing and getting to know you in this way. When I share what I've learned about transgender health (which is really just awareness raising for I am far from an expert) you are someone that I speak about and encourage people to come read. You've made a difference in my life and I want you to know that.
When you work in California government, at least at the county level, everyone gets a mandated two hours of sexual harassment training a year (as I recall) and managers get four. (some people obviously don't pay attention and need a refresher…). I believe that private industry is also mandated to do similar. What you experienced is definitely harassment according to the State and you could and should report it to prevent it happening again. Human Resources takes such things seriously and WILL act on it.
Things may not be the same with certain folks after they get a talking to but oh well, that's life. They'll probably still talk about you behind your back but you can't do anything about that. I understand the hesitation on your part because these are the people that you work with but some people just "don't get it" without a sharp rap on the knuckles. It needed to be done so that you can just get on with life. Many people will never accept us and sometimes the best you can hope for is to just shut their cruel mouths for a while.
Remember that these laws were written in California for ALL people – and that includes us! And as for not being "T" enough, there are many flavors of "T" and everyone must follow their own path. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones…I wish you all the best for the future 🙂
Hi Julie-
Thank you SO much for your kind words! They seriously almost made me cry! I appreciate you letting me know, it means the world to me!
Thank you for your thoughts! I do agree that things may not be the same with this particular person, but he does need to learn that his actions are not acceptable. And hopefully he will learn that. As far as conversing behind my back, whatever!