It Was Really Just a Vulva Surgery

It’s been 42 days since my last surgery. I decided to go in and have my coochie redone. Things were going okay but after many discussions with my therapist, and a visit or two with my surgeon, I decided is okay enough? And the answer was, no! No okay is not enough, especially when my version of okay involved quite a bit of discomfort that I had decided was good enough. And that was really where the problem was. Why was I settling for good enough? Why did I think that good enough included me being in physical discomfort?

It’s so weird. I’ve been in therapy now for about seven years I think and I still struggle to value myself well. Maybe I’m getting better though because I decided that good enough, especially a good enough that left me in pain, was not actually good enough. It’s tough to decide that you’re worth it, but that is what I did.

Sadly, even making a choice like that, an awesome, affirming, caring choice, meant that I had to do a shit ton of work! Ugh! It always seams to come down to that. If it is something that is going to really benefit you, then you need to get out there and do the damn work yourself. Isn’t that how you’re going to benefit yourself, by finally doing the hard work? No, I didn’t do the surgery myself, but I did all of the work required to get the surgery scheduled and then to get myself to the actual appointment, and now for 42 days, I’ve been working to heal myself. And make no joke about it, all of that is really hard work.

But I did it, and am continuing to do it. When I first considered things, I didn’t really want to have a surgery. But the reality is that several issues needed to be addressed, reduce the labia majora, create a clitoral hood, remove scar tissue from in front of the vaginal canal, remove scar tissue from around the urethra, and address the overall aesthetics. When I first thought about a revision surgery it was really because the looks were a bit off, and I thought that wasn’t enough to justify the surgery process. But the more I thought about it, and researched, and talked with my support team, the more I realized that this was an important step in my surgical journey.

And now, 42 days later, I can tell you, my efforts to have this surgery were SO worth it! It made everything SO much better! I really had no idea how not okay things were prior to my surgery. But even with all of the surgery discomfort and healing and ugh, everything is so much better! I am so super happy that I chose to do the revision. I would easily do all of this all over again. I had heard that generally speaking a two-stage type of surgery is best so I wasn’t totally surprised to go down this avenue. I was really hoping that the first surgery would be enough. But it really wasn’t.

This one though. I really think it might be enough. I actually think that this might be my very last gender surgery ever in my entire life! I really want it to be. Time will tell if that prediction holds true. But my gender dysphoria is so much better it is amazing. I didn’t really know that my concerns over my hoo-haa spilled over to causing me insecurities throughout my world, but it really did. I am so much more self confident now, it’s kind of weird actually. Nobody would have said I lacked confidence, but I really, really did! And now I can see, it was still massive gender dysphoria that was plaguing me.

Now finally, after so many years, I finally really feel like me. In many ways that is all I have ever wanted. Here I am world.

Love you

Love yourselves