There Is No Conceivable Way That Is My Foot

I love the simplicity of this photo and the way that it has proven me to be so wrong about my body. I have never really seen any of my body parts as being very feminine. Yes I can for sure create great looking decolletage, but it really is just for so as my boobs aren’t really any where near as large as I can make them look in photos. But, I digress, this post is not about my breasts, though they may be small, they are mighty and they do exist, so that’s good, and I do see them as quite feminine, but the rest of my body? Yeah I don’t really see it as appearing all that feminine, especially so my feet.

I mean I have always considered myself super fortunate that I can actually purchase shoes directly off the rack in most shoe stores, well stores that carry size 11s that is, which most do. So already, I’m doing so much better than so many other women who have to special order their shoes. I seriously could not even cope with that, so yeah, I feel fortunate, but I have still never actually seen my foot as appearing anywhere near feminine, like at all. Not that size 11s are not feminine, I’ve seen plenty of other women with super sexy feet that are larger than mine.

Nope, it’s not the size, it’s the idea of them. It is a small example of the overall way that I see my body, which is not feminine. I loved getting married, but I was super picky about my dress, as most women are. But I was picky because I had to get the right dress that would cover up the parts of my body that I don’t really like, for example, my shoulders! Ugh, I could not just have my shoulders out and exposed for all to see freely. Yeah, I know, my shoulders are fine, as is the entirety of the rest of my body. But that is not really what matters so much, what matters is how I see myself. And how I see myself is not feminine.

I know, I’m crazy, but try and tell a crazy brain to not be crazy. It’s not as if our brains just suddenly go, oh thank you, I appreciate the permission to not be a lunatic! Nope, typically brains say, nope I’m not the problem, and even if they do admit they are the problem, then you are often stuck with, well okay, I know it is wrong, but I can’t figure out how to stop.

For me, the best thing that helps to change my brain, is proving it to be wrong. And that is why I love this photo, it proved me wrong, not just wrong in the short term, but wrong in the ways that truly count. Those ways are the near constant slamming of my own body that occurs within my head. I am SO much better, but it is still bad enough that I bring myself .to tears on occasion. Thankfully I have slowly been amassing evidence to combat my at times meanie pants brain.

Jodie and I were scrolling through our wedding photos and we stopped on this picture. I said something along the lines of, “your foot looks so super cute and feminine in this photo, and I love it!” Jodie then said, um, hey sweetie, that’s your foot. What followed was several moments of back and forth with me arguing with her that it could not possibly be my foot, as my foot didn’t look anything like that foot. And what I couldn’t say to her was, it can’t be my foot because my foot looks like the foot of someone assigned male at birth, but that is exactly what my brain was thinking. Jodie pointed out that it was even my maid of honor that was putting on my shoes. And still I argued that she had to be wrong. I just knew it, she had to be wrong. And then I noticed the toe nail polish and I realized that was my toe nail polish as Jodie didn’t have French tips on her toes, only I had that.

I closed my mouth, and sat back and reveled in how wrong I had been. It was a most beautiful feeling. I was sure that it couldn’t have been my foot because it just looked so cute and feminine that I knew it couldn’t be mine, but really, it had been my foot all along. That cute fem foot is my foot!

It’s the little things, that aren’t really little things that really are the things that matter.

Love you!

photo by: https://www.angelanelsonphoto.com/